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Friday, May 12, 2006


I've transmogrified into one of those the-world-is-out-to-get-me, anti-establishmentarianistic teenager. The end has come. I've crossed over to the dark side.

My fair-weather friends, you ask me. How did I come to this morbid conclusion?

1) I took emo, black and white photos of Suxin's zit and actually felt smug about my accomplishments.
2) I attempted to write an emo tok essay. And most importantly,
3) I've just listened to 'Helena' by The Chemical Romance repeatedly for 2 hours.

Alas, the grotesque truth has surfaced! Very soon, I'll be sitting in the oxygen- deprived broom closet with a multi-coloured mohawk, writing an angsty poem about baboons' buttholes while having an intellectual exchange of words with my pet spider named Good Charlotte. On a lighter note, it has occurred to me how many people do not know that it's actually surprisingly easy to write an angsty poem. So, let's learn from the expert, Yours Truly.

How to write an angsty poem in 3 easy steps:
1) Scour for the dictionary for derogatory adjectives. The more, the merrier.
2) Master the one-word-on-each-line trick.
3) Sign off with a cool name. Very important as your poem may one day be published in 'The Book of Bullshit' or something.

Here's a sample (which I painstakingly composed in a minute):

I sit here with bleeding mascara,
My future an elusive question mark.
With turmoil in my soul,
So aches my heart.
The knife of life has...
Plunged.
Through.
My.
Burger.

Another literary masterpiece by Emo_Emu


SEE? How easy was that? Try writing an angsty poem today!


keep it SHUT; 2:21 pm


The Queen Tells It Like It Is

Her Majesty
Crowned 3rd Oct 1989
Can crack a walnut with her butt NastyLawn-mower
Pain in the arse
Be afraidBe very afraid
The current mood of chewingcorn at www.imood.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, without prior permission of the Queen.

Can You Make The Queen?
How to make a Cassandra
Ingredients:
1 part pride
1 part crazyiness
5 parts ego
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability



Hail To The Queen